my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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