just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
