they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
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