This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
