It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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