Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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