omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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