So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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