I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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