My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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