she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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