I can text with my tongue
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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