All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
