We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i love accidental penises.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
