I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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