you have to choose: penises or morals?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
