I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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