i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize