the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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