I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
