i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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