Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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