maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
