I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Are we still banned from the library?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
