You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
