THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
