we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
