so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize