Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
handjob tips. give me some.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This toilet bowl is my home.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
