There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
