I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
