i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
