dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
