We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
