i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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