My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I touched a dick in church today
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
