I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
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I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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