We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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