I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
