Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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