Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
