i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
