Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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