Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
