the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
