He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
