people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
