No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
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I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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