Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
