Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
