see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
