I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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