he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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