i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
