We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
