If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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