Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
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Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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