my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hippo gnu deer
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
