im drinking this country out of the recession.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
