Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize