I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
