after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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