good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize