my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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