Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
