1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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